Wednesday, 13 February 2013

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The Life of Blimey #1 - Bucket Lisp!

A TRAMPonline writes for The Collective. This Post is either Genius or Fucking Mental!

So, Putting together this Blog Collective I had some interesting posts passed on to me. Including some posts from somebody who doesn't even have a computer. The following Post is from a Local character who likes to interact with me via....well I'll let him Introduce himself. 

Ladies and Gentleman, Please welcome "Blimey"


The Life of Blimey #1 - A TRAMPonline



I was talking the other day to my mate Big H, about bucket lists. 
"Fuckin lisp?" he says 
"you avin a go at my thpeech impediment again you fuckin' cock thucker?" 
Now Big H lives two doors down the road from me. When I say 'road' I mean 'street' as in Moulsham Street. Or as Big H has it "Moultham Thweet". And when I say 'lives' I mean 'sleeps' two doors down. Two doorways down. The curtain shop. Who turn a blind eye to him.
"No, bucket list. Things to do before you kick the bucket."
"I could do with a bucket to thit in" says H. 
"Sit on? Wouldn't a chair be more comfortable?"
"No, thit in, as in 'curl one down'. Inthted of using your doorway" 
"What?"
"Ha ha, just thitting you mate"
Big H is nothing if not literal. No wonder I've got excrement on my forehead.
"I'm thinking of writing a blog before I die" I say  'The Life of Blimey', 'Street Crud', 'Zune Forgotten', you know the sort of thing, H"
"A bog would be more fitting for your thit, Blimey. Anyway, you haven't got a computer. You can't write a blog on your Zune, you know"
"True, but I can get it down on paper and leave it at the drop zone in 'The Cricketers' for Barker to pick up. That's how he gets my Tweets"
"I tell you what Blimey, you get it down on paper, give it to me and I'll wipe my arse on it. Anyway, the world needs a Blimey blog just like Def Leppard need that 8th glove"
"Thanks for the encouragement, Big H"
"You're welcome, now blog-off, Blimey" 
And so it begins, and quite possibly ends.

Follow @TheBlimey for more antics.





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