Curiosity
Killed the Ditz: Being Selfish
Why;
the three little words that haunt my existence. From the moment I could speak I
always wanted to know why. Now as an adult I am finding less and less people
that want to answer my questions. I have been called nosy or weird, and angered
many a person, with just those 3 letters. This is my story, quest you could
call it, to try and find answers to my Whys.
Why
is being selfish a bad thing?
This
is a really tricky one for me. To know me is to know, I want everyone to be happy
and content with me and the world. I will do just about anything to make
someone else happy. I consider my self to be a very selfless person. I have
even gone as far as judged people who I felt are selfish. Now, what I didn't
realize is that selfish and selfless are connected by a figurative rubber band.
If you pull too hard one way or another it will break. I know this because a
few months ago I stretched my selfless rubber band to far and it just snapped.
What
about me? Why must I always be “selfless”. Why do I have to be the one to bend,
to compromise, to deny myself because it doesn't fit within the given “rules”.
Well Fuck it. I am an adult and I am going to do what I want. Don't like it,
don't look, don't put your judgments on me, I am my own person and will answer
to myself and myself alone....
Warning:
when making a change from selfless to selfish, there is a lot of collateral
damage. Right now I would like to make a formal apology:
“I
am sincerely sorry to all the people who may have been hurt and who will be
hurt by my journey. I love you all for staying with me and absorbing the hurt,
disappointment, and sadness that I have and will cause. I understand if you can
not stick around because it is too much to bear or too much trouble but appreciate
those immensely that can give me their patience and forgiveness.” GMM
So
where am I now? No friends, no boyfriend, alone and sad? No, I didn't go as
crazy as above. I am still me. I still love to make others happy and want to
please. Now though, I am trying to please myself first and then look to others.
Call it selfish. It is, and I am OK with that. Today, I am still trying to find
my balance between selfish and selfless. There has been collateral damage and
that apology above is honest and true. I have some amazing people in my life
and for that I am grateful.
So
Why is being selfish a bad thing? Its not. You just have to find your right
balance.
Remember:
When
you choose to be selfless, do so truly thinking about the other person.
When
you choose to be selfish, be happy in it, there is nothing wrong with being
selfish, Sometimes.
Lots
of hugs to you because I selfishly want hugs back.
Keep
questioning.
Love,
DD
Twitter: @DitzWitDTits
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