Wednesday, 27 March 2013

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The Life of Blimey #7 - FanQ very much

We all know what to expect now. So here we go! Another #TRAMPonline Blog for @TheBlimey



We all know what to expect now. So here we go! Another #TRAMPonline Blog.

"Hey Blimey!"
This was an unusual turn of events
"What is it, H and why are you starting my blog?
"Seems that you really do have fuckers reading your blog"
"Told you, H, but how do you know?"
"I've been reading your fan mail, Blimey"
"Huh?"
"Well, when I say 'fan mail' they are mainly death threats"
"WHAT???"
"Just kidding, Blimey"
"Thank God for that, H"
"Just the one death threat"
"What?"
"Yeah, from Colin's Carpets. Say's 'fuck off out of my doorway or you're dead' "
"Death by shagpile, could be worse"
"Seems your readers want to know stuff"
"Like what, H?"
"Here's one from some bird with big tits,  signs herself DD"
"Go on"
"Says 'Is Big H called Big H because of the size of his cock?' "
"No DD, it's because of the size of his inflated ego." 
"Was that a real question, H?"
"No, but I'm sure all the ladies love me, Blimey. Here's a real one,  from some geezer called @stewnami. He wants to know what's the best thing about being a bum? He must be a Yank unless he's calling you an arse, Blimey"
"Now that is a good question, Mr Stenami. The best thing about being a tramp, or a bum as you call it, is being able to expose myself whilst shouting 'fackorf you slag'. I was once caught on camera flashing and got pulled in by the fuzz"
"Yer, Blimey, and the police dropped the charges due to the shortage of evidence in your pants department, ha ha!"
Thanks for that, H"
"@LGreathead wants to know if you go on dates and if so where?"
"Money is an issue, Liane, so if I want to dine-out with a lady, I have to take her to the skip around the back of the supermarket at the top of Moulsham Street. I often take Skinny Minnie up the Lidl back passage"
"Dirty bastard, Blimey....... @DitzWitDTits seems to have the wrong idea about being a tramp, coz she's asking about 'bums cleaning house' what fucking house? You can't even keep you doorway shit-free, Blimey"
"Ah, another Americanism, H. She means periodically clearing out unwanted possessions"
"I never throw anything out, Blimey, mainly coz I ain't got nuffin in the first place"
"Tis true Miss Ditz, the only thing that H disposes of is his bodily waste. And that's only after the smell in his underpants becomes too unbearable, even for him"
"Not to mention the lumps, Blimey"

"So H, wouldn't you like a bit of this fan attention. Why don't you write a blog?"
"I'd rather shit in my hands and clap, Blimey"
"Thanks for that, H"
"You're welcome, Blimey"

Follow @TheBlimey

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