Uncle Arthur’s Bollocks is a podcast hosted by Lancastrian, Nigel Boydell. The show’s format revolves around Arthur’s opinionated ramblings about whatever has irked him that week. Although Arthur comes across as a foul mouthed old lout who appears to want everyone fired out of a cannon, he is, in fact, a foul mouthed old lout who wants everyone fired out of a cannon.
Episode 18
Involuntary Evacuations and
Other Bollocks
April 9 2013
Arthur settles back
in his chair with a glass or three of something intoxicating and makes us all
squirm as he draws our attention to something that most of us have experienced
at differing levels, and with varying regularity.
(You know what it’s like, don’t you? Fuck me. You
have a shed full of ale, get of yer tits big time and stagger round to the
kebab shop for a boatload of shit food. It’s fuckin great! I love it, me! …. Arthur April 2013)
Yes, my friends, it
is that familiar drunken visit to the kebab emporium after a nights excessive
carousing.
He describes the ‘anchor leg’ phenomenon that
keeps us in a vertical plane and the ‘wobbly head’ syndrome that threatens to reduce us to the
horizontal. We hear about the hilarious ‘uncontrollable
acceleration’, caused by the head’s alcohol induced gravitational vagaries that inevitably ends with the victim viewing
the world from a spot some three inches above ground level.
(You do that
acceleration thingy when yer fuckin head’s centre of gravity goes to shit. You can’t do fuck all cos you’ve got yer hands in yer pockets and you’re too pissed to take them out. …. Arthur April 2013)
Arthur almost loses
control as he regales us with a rather graphic account of the involuntary bowel
evacuation that is the ultimate humiliation, but also the ultimate right of
passage that elevates ‘The Drinking Boy’ to ‘The Drunken Man’.
(And you’re in the bathroom with shit down yer legs, washing
yer underpants in the sink. And you evacuate yourself like a fuckin nuclear
warhead! …. Arthur April 2013)
Listen to episode here:
Enjoy ‘Uncle Arthur’ responsibly, and
please be aware, ‘Uncle Arthur’s Bollocks’ contains very
strong language.
He can be found at:
@Uttertoshpod
@Uttertoshpod
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