Friday, 28 June 2013

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#Mashion & #Meauty No.13: My Guide to this Summer's Festivals

So with Festival Season here, I have my say on Festivals and what I think you should do when you are at one.

The Thirteenth (#13) Post in this series of Posts where I challenge myself to try and understand the world of #BBloggers and even #FBloggers.  Click HERE to read the Previous Entries if you haven't.

Summer is here!..........What do you mean it's raining?.............Ok, British Summer is here and it's time for the summer music festivals to dominate the airwaves, radio, blog posts and social networking. Expect in the coming months lots of Festival inspired blog posts on....
"Your Festival Fashion" - which I can tell you now, is whatever Rita Ora or Kate Moss is wearing to festivals, so stop searching, I just saved you some time.
"Festival Must Haves" - It's Big Glasses and Hats plus lots and lots of baby wipes
and
"What Festival Suits you" - If you don't mind not washing, eating badly, drinking copious amounts of alcohol and listening to more bass and feedback from speakers than actual music, then go to any festival you want. There's not much in them.



So, why do I sound all pessimistic about festivals, I may here you ask. Well I'm actually a fan of festivals, or should I say use to be. I have fallen out of love with festivals over the past few years after I suddenly saw things there that made me:
A) Begin to feel old and out of touch
B) Begin to hate people

Now I am a very sociable person, anybody on Twitter will agree ( if anything I'm too sociable sometimes ) but being a local festival goer for the past 10 years and lapping up the non stop drinking and partying started to become hard work and I saw things at festivals which I never saw before (mainly because I was so drunk to notice) that I really didn't like. Things people did, wore or acted like that just put me off going to festivals in the future. Which to be honest is a good thing as it stops me going and spending money I don't have and causing damage to my body from alcohol abuse.

So For the remainder of this post I shall be giving everyone my tips on what to do whilst at festivals, so I will be put off forever!

1) Ladies when you go to Festivals make sure you are drunk by 1pm and spend the entire weekend drunkenly crying in front of me, Puking up near me, drunkenly argue with your friends next to me so you drown out the music and drunkenly fall into me so I spill my warm beer that I spent 3 hours queuing up for to get that cost me more than my monthly phone bill.



2) Guys make sure you never wear a shirt so you can show off your toned body and make me feel like a pasty, fat blob of a man who is slowly turning into Susan Boyle on a bad day.

3) When a band is on can you all please obscure my view and constantly sway from side to side so whenever I try to see past you, you prevent that. Maybe grab your girlfriend and put them on your shoulders, that is always a great way for me to enjoy the view.


4) Hey Mr Happy Mondays please continue to do drugs right next to me and then spend the next 40 minutes  staring at me because you think you I am actually an undercover copper and soon I shall be busting you for drugs and being hailed a hero amongst my police force. I can be Batman to your Joker.

5) Please if you buy noodles or any kind of food from the vans, please DON'T Finish them! You must always leave half of it and throw them all over the floor near me so I have to play minesweeper whenever I want to move. This is enjoyable, especially when I get home and can enjoy the leftover food from the bottom of my shoe.

and finally

6) Please, and this is important, if you need to go to the toilet, DON'T waste your time going to the urinals, Oh No! That would be too easy, just piss in a cup or empty bottle and throw it into the crowd. This is what people pay for at festivals! We all love going into crowds to see bands play and have urine thrown down our clothes. It really makes the festival in my opinion, I just love the odour of asparagus.

So if you follow these tips and keep these things happening you will be helping me out. I will save lots of money and possibly improve my health. And with this I thank you.

Enjoy your Festival.



8 comments:

  1. Yep. Sounds awesome.

    I'll pass, thanks.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ha, You sure? did I not sell it to you? Hmmmm What put you off? LOL x

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  2. This is the exact reason I have never been, and never will go to a festival.
    Plus usually all the music is rubbish anyways! I'm not paying over £100 just to see one band I like, pfftt.
    Nice post.

    - Danielle

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    Replies
    1. I hear ya, each to their own and all that, but serious TOO EXPENSIVE for something where you end up watching ONE band you like and spend the rest of the weekend queuing up for beer.
      I am so over festivals, well mainstream festivals! x

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  3. THIS is the reason I will never go to a festival, people suck!

    And the thought of a couple of thousand sweaty muddy stinking drunks don't do it for me.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You mean to tell me this posts didn't make you want to go to a festival?!!?! haha

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  4. I completely hate the shower & toilet situation when it comes to camping so festivals are always a big no no for me.

    Love from Kelly

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ha as a male the urinals isn't a major issue. I don't feel bad for the ladies though. But hygiene is left at the gate at a festival I'm afraid. Baby wipes lots and lots of baby wipes lol

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