Thursday, 18 December 2014

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#BoyOnline | #Mashion & #Meauty

What is I wrote my own Novel like #zoella ? What would it be about?

A Total Rip off from an Instant Classic written by my friendly ghost Casper

Ok, before we start, #ZoellaGate is over right? The whole hate/abuse aimed at that poor girl is finished yes? We can all stop and get on with our lives, whilst she get's back to making very popular you tube video's about applying the best shades of lip colour or vlogging about her new dog with her other vlogging boyfriend who is vlogging about her vlogging about their new dog.
We can all get over the fact that #Zoella (Zoe Sugg) didn't write all the words in her book and that in fact a ghost wrote it? I mean we all realise a member of the undead wrote the book right?

Ok, All clear now? We can stop trying to get this girl sentenced to death?.....Good!

Anyway, #Zoella, who I kind of have a massive #GirlCrush on even though I am not a girl. I say #GirlCrush mainly because as a guy hitting my 30's(!) I feel wrong saying I fancy her, because frankly I don't. Nor do I think she's the type of girl I want to go down the pub with and chill out with. If I was a girl, I would want to be her ugly best friend!.....Says more about me than anybody else right?

So, the point of this blog, #Zoella released this book #GirlOnline and it went mental! I mean girls around the world went crazy for this! Anybody would think it had the meaning of life encrypted in it, and frankly it might have...she didn't write it....this ghost might be trying to tell us something.

Over the past few weeks I have seen hundreds of reviews on the book and it has been generally positive albeit a few worries about the portrayal of stereotypical homosexual characters and some generalised/misconcepted perceptions on the Anxiety front. BUT other than that, it seems like a lovely book aimed at young teens.

Now, being a guy who doesn't really read books........I prefer visual things or short snappy posts......unlike this......It is weird that as a writer of  a blog, I don't like reading! It is the same with my podcasting and radio work. I talk for ages doing that, yet I hate talking on the phone!.....I am a weird guy, keep up.
I haven't read this book, nor do I intend to. I already do enough feminine things surrounding the blog, I don't think reading a book like this would help the cause.
So, what I thought I would do is write my OWN book! and call it


Ok, not very original, but I am working on the whole "rip off, low budget" angle here. To every Transformers Film there is a Transmophers! To every Scream Horror film there is a Shriek! Same idea, less creativity, less money, less ambition and Same audience.
Without reading the book, I pretty much took the synopsis of #GirlOnline and created and constructed my own #BoyOnline synopsis based on that. is it!

Timmy has a secret.

Under the alias BoyOnline, he blogs about school problems, girls, his mad, whirlwind family – and his bout with asthma. When things go from bad to worse, his family whisks him away to New Jersey, where he meets the gorgeous, guitar-strumming Nina. Suddenly Timmy is falling in love – and capturing every moment of it on his blog.

But Nina has a secret too. One that threatens to ruin Timmy’s cover – and his closest friendship

That is a reworking on the original synopsis of #GirlOnline. I see Timmy overcoming his asthma throughout the story. Loving Nina will help him control his breathing and pretty much cure him, because you know asthma can be cured by love right?! Also Timmy will be taking his best friend along for the trip to New Jersey too. A Man hating, Dr Martens Boots loving, Lumberjack shirt wearing Lesbian named Jamie, because you always have to have stereotypical homesexual characters in these stories for comic relief right?! Timmy meets Nina and it becomes complicated as Timmy fancies Nina but Nina isn't interested in Timmy and already has long term good looking boyfriend who is an underwear model, because girls like Nina always have boyfriends right!?! 
Nina ignores Timmy for the rest of the story and the rest of the story is pretty much Timmy blogging about how much he loves Nina, but after he gets no views on his blog anyway, he jacks in blogging and just tweets pointless updates to his 12 followers. 
Turns out Timmy is a shit blogger and unpopular tweeter. The story ends with the family coming back home and having a go at Timmy for losing his inhaler in New Jersey, because inhalers cost money you know!

So, there you go.....would you read that? Let me know.

And that is it from me today! Thank you for reading. Please throw me a comment below or simply tweet me @BarkerPODcasts and/or the new @MashionMeauty

So there you go! Hope you enjoyed this, if not.....tough shit. Check out all the other #Mashion Posts here:

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  1. Very well written, Adam.
    I agree. She did not deserve any of that crap.
    I am shocked that you don't read though. Genuinely shocked. And, appalled. You MUST read.

    Christina x