Tuesday, 20 January 2015

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Quick Guide to The Best Film Oscar Picks | #NOTreading

Do you know anything about this years Best Picture Nominations at the Oscars? Let me help...

The Best Film Nominations explained

It's that time again! The Oscars are right around the corner and the Hollywood Elite are out in force to get their films exposure so they can take home that gold statue!
This year, at the upcoming Oscars, Eight Films fight it out of the prestigious title of "BEST PICTURE". The films range from American War Films to Indie Dramas shot over 12 years to Bio-Pics of famous people to even a film about Drumming!
So what the fuck are all these films about? Well Here I am to help summarize these films to you so you can go down the pub/beauty salon/shop/street corner and impress your mates/associates/clients.

American Sniper

American Sniper is a War Propaganda film starring Bradley Cooper (All About Steve, The Midnight Meat Train) and Directed by Americans favourite grumpy old man Clint Eastwood. The Film is all about an American Sniper who shoots the enemy. This Hilarious Laugh Out Comedy is being seen as Bradley Coopers funniest film since "The A Team". Check this film out if you like films with non stop laughter and OTT characters.


Birdman: The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance is a film that is filmed as if it is done in one continuous take. So to explain the plot of the film I shall take on that approach.


Watch this film if you want to be that guy who likes things differently to others. Watch this film if you want to use it as a reference to show who unintelligent your friends are that say "Transformers" is a good movie. Become a film snob and become pretentious with this film. Embrace being "that" guy who acts as if you discovered this film and nobody else can like it.


Boyhood is a film by Indie Filmmaker Richard Linklater (School of Rock) and starring Ethan Hawke (That guy from Gattaca) and his real life son. His Real Life son ages from age 6 or something to about 18 or something. The film spans 12 years in total and we watch this child grow up! Much like we do when we watch soaps and see Martin Fowler from Eastenders grow from being an annoying child actor to an annoying adult actor. Boyhood is a film for people who have 12 years spare to watch as the film is 12 years long. This was infact nominated 12 years ago, but the academy have only just finished watching it and are now ready to vote.
Watch this film if you have a free schedule from now and 2027. It will be worth it.

The Grand Budapest Hotel

The Grand Budapest Hotel is a vivacious film with elegantly troffled wordling and fasticated juxtapositional elements of whimsical pfftutter and keatality. The premise of the motional moving imagery upon thy screenings of wonder give exceptional quandry of random wordings and soundlings that make you believe the tremendously heartpuounding utopia of wittertainment is upon your being. Scenery is eaten up like a beautiful ganit of beastly like colourment of eccentricity. You'll exit the film with a feeling of Humphfilly and Guillyfied.
Watch this if you fancy feeling like you are on an acid trip with people far more intelligent and educated than you.

The Imitation Game

Sherlock: The Movie is here! Benedict Cumberbatch (Starter for 10, a Few Episodes of Heartbeat) brings his TV sleuth to the big screen in this World War 2 set thriller. Sherlock, undercover as somebody called Alan, is on hand to help the British Army defeat the Nazi's using a Typewriter that encrypts codes and that. The Film is a heart racing thriller with Keira Knightly looking lovely in a cardigan for the lads to enjoy.
Watch this if you love Sherlock and Cardigans.


Selma is the movie about the Actress Selma Blair from The movie "Cruel Intentions". The film follows the journey of Selma as she travels to Alabama to meet up with her old school friend Martin and get's caught up in some pretty political things. Selma and Martin haven't seen each other since School and there ideas on the world are different. Martin wants equality and freedom whilst Selma wants to become an Actress and kiss Sarah Michelle Gellar. Can the two unite to achieve a common goal?
Watch this if you actually believe what I just fucking wrote.

The Theory of Everything

A Theory of Everything is a remake of the TV Movie "Hawking" starring Benedict Cumberbatch. focusing on the life of Scientist Stephen Hawking, this Docu-Drama is told from the POV of GOD who is very angry that Stephen dismisses his work and continues to push his crazy ideas of science upon people who are starting to believe him. It's a Darkly Comic tale of GOD vs EVIL it has a twist ending nobody will see coming!
Watch this if you think GOD is a bit harsh on Stephen in the end.


Whiplash is a film about Drumming. Who the Fuck cares?!

So there you go. What film's are you looking forward to? Which ones will win? Let me know.

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